You’re the One Behind the Camera. But Where Are You?
Think about the last hundred photos on your phone. How many of them have you in them?
If you’re anything like most of the mums I know (and honestly, like me too) - the answer is probably not many. Maybe a handful of selfies at best?
And yet, you’re there every single day. Helping with homework. Laughing at something ridiculous one of the children said. Holding hands on a walk. All of it happening - and almost none of it photographed.
This post is for the mums who secretly want to be in the photos, but talk themselves out of it every time. Because there are many reasons why mums should be in family photos - more than most of us realise. Especially if the idea of posed family photos makes you want to run a mile, and what you really want are natural, relaxed images outdoors with the people you love most.
MY SELFIES VS PICTURES I'VE TAKEN. I ADORE THESE IMAGES OF THE KIDS WITH THEIR DAD BUT A PART OF ME WISHES THERE WERE SIMILAR WITH ME.
The Bit I Recognise in Myself
I’ll be honest with you, this one feels rather personal.
Most of the family photos I appear in were taken by me. The selfie. Or the occasional one where I’ve had to specifically ask my husband to take a photo with me in it. And he tries - he really does. But he doesn’t naturally think to reach for the camera in those small, ordinary moments. By the time I’ve mentioned it, the moment has gone.
He’s not unusual. A lot of partners are the same.
And I’m not talking about the posed, everyone-looking-at-the-camera kind of shot. I mean the real ones. Reading together. Helping with something fiddly. Being properly present, not performing for the lens.
My dad was a brilliant hobbyist photographer, and he had a real instinct for exactly this kind of image. There are photos of my mum washing us in a caravan sink, helping my sister with a wristwatch she’d just been given for her birthday, laughing - not at the camera, but with us. She had no idea she was being photographed half the time. And you know, she was very self conscious. I would remember her groaning when seeing the pictures enlarged on the wall whilst doing one of the 'family slideshows' dad would do. She would pull a disgusted face in a funny sort of way, even if it was just the 4 of us in the room.
Those are the pictures I seek solace in and treasure most. The ones that show her as she actually was. That’s what I want to give the families I capture: honest, natural images that make getting mums in family photos feel easy and meaningful.
SOME OF THE IMAGES CAPTURED BY MY DAD
Why Getting Mums in Family Photos Can Feel So Hard
There are so many reasons, and most of them are completely understandable (which ones do you resonate with?):
“I hate how I look in photos.”
“I’ve not lost the baby weight yet.”
“I look tired all the time.”
“I just feel awkward in front of a camera.”
Body image, self-consciousness, the worry that the results will disappoint - these are real concerns, and I’m not here to brush them off.
But here’s the thing I keep coming back to: your children are not looking at your body when they look at a photo of you. They’re looking at you. The person who held them, laughed with them, helped them, stayed up with them. They’re looking at their mum.
What Your Children Will Actually See in Family Photos
The mundane moments are the meaningful ones
It doesn’t have to be a milestone. Some of the most moving photos I’ve ever taken and seen are of completely ordinary things. A hand on a shoulder. A giggle that neither of you could explain. A quiet moment sitting side by side.
These are the pictures your children will show their children one day. Not to point out your hair or your outfit, but to say: That’s my mum. That’s how she was with me.
Candid family photos take the pressure off
I don’t ask mums to stand a certain way or arrange themselves for the camera. Most of my family sessions happen outdoors, in beautiful natural light, where there’s space to move, breathe, and just be together. We'll walk for a bit. The kids might explore. You might scoop someone up for a cuddle, laugh at something silly, or tuck hair behind a little ear without even thinking about it.
When you’re not performing for the camera, the results feel completely different. More natural. More you. That’s why getting mums in family photos doesn’t need to mean awkward posing or 'say cheese' prompted smiles. It can simply mean being present with your children.
You don’t need to look perfect, you need to be present
A slightly blurry photo full of real emotion will always beat a sharp, technically perfect image where everyone looks stiff and slightly pained.
Emotion comes first, always.
That’s not just a nice thing to say - it’s something I genuinely believe, and it shapes how I photograph every family session.
This is your legacy too
You’re raising people. You’re shaping who they’ll become. And decades from now, those children -and their children - will want to see evidence of you.
Not an airbrushed version. Just you, being their mum.
If you’re always the one holding the camera, that evidence disappears.
I count myself very fortunate to have had a dad who did document our life with mum as she really was. As I like to remember her when we were together. (even if she did strike up a protest at the time.) "Don't point that thing at me!" she would say. But he LOVED taking photos and that does help.
Why Mums in Family Photos Matter More Than Perfection
I say this gently: You will regret not being in the photos far more than you will ever regret being in them. The things you’re worried about that feel so significant right now, won’t be what anyone sees when they look back at these images. Just tell yourself that. I’ve had to say it to myself too.
What they’ll see is you, loving your family. That’s it.
There’s a version of your family’s story that only exists if you’re in it. Please don’t let that chapter go untold.
Ready for Family Photos That Actually Include You?
If you’ve been thinking about booking a family session, but have been quietly hoping you could stay on the other side of the camera, this is your nudge.
Most of my family sessions take place outdoors in natural light, with plenty of space for everyone to relax, move, and simply be together. No stiff posing, no pressure to perform, just honest moments and genuine connection.
And if you’ve got a newborn or an older baby, home sessions can often be the loveliest fit too. Calm, cosy, and still full of that same natural, unforced feeling.
You deserve to be in these photos.
Comments